I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
