I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
