fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
