Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
