i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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