before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
