loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
