No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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