and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you guys were way drunker than both of me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
