Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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