I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
