one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
