You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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