Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
