...so i touched it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
