We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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