I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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