Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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