remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
