I looked at my own cervix.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You can't just leave with hair like that
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
