i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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