No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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