sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
