i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
