Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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