I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
