You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
