dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the day after is always just damage control
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
