I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
why do cheetos always look like penises
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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