and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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