stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
