You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
