I just saw a hot homeless man
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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