Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize
