If i come over, it means nothing
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
