He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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