i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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