I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
