i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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