Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
