It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
