he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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