I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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