Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
