awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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