so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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