the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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