Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize