woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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