how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
