are you still at the devil's house?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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