My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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