dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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